thought dump

.: lots of thoughts have been lingering around in my head. I've been wanting to share them with someone, a few of which I've been able too, but otherwise, not anyone I feel will know where I'm coming from and reciprocate intellectual/different pov dialogue. eh, poorly worded maybe. In other words, I'm picky about who I talk to about what. >_<

So I think I've caught something, maybe from one of my students. Last Thursday, 3 students had very high temperatures, and one was said to be documented with the H1N1*. And then on Friday, 11 students were sent home also with high temperatures. A high temperature being 38° Celsius or higher. I was talking with my co-teachers, and they were really concerned about the safety of the school, students, and us teachers. Up until then, I didn't really worry much. But after that discussion, it had me a little shaken. So I went up to Seoul that evening as usual. Saturday morning when I woke up, I was like shit, I'm not feeling good. And def, by mid-day I was very under the weather. I was all hot and sweating, and my head was hurting. I kept sleeping on and off well into late Sunday afternoon, where I finally felt a little better. Enough at least to make the trip back down to ShinTanJin. I didn't go to school yesterday; instead, I went to St. Mary's Catholic Hospital in the center of downtown Daejeon for a check-up to see if I have the flu or not. Man, TONS of people. It's pretty bad over here, no joke. I think I waited for like 3 hours, and maybe at the hospital total for like 4.5? Huge chunk of the day, and not feelin quite as energetic as normal, it quickly drained me. Finally got back via buses around 5:30pm and had some "juk" - sloshy rice dish. I was feeling slightly dizzy - not sure if it was from the medicine I took - but decided I'd make an my first attempt to go to Lotte Mart in Techno Valley. Yes, wait until I'm sick and shouldn't be moving around to finally venture out, haha. Anyway, made it there successfully, and bought a good amount of stuff. Mostly germ killing related products, but also some badly needed multiple socket extension cords and hangers. Got back and went to disinfecting my room, rearranging plugs, and hanging all the shit I've been so far just throwing into my closet. Ah, life felt a little more relaxed at that moment. So today, I just wait for the phone call from the hospital to see my test results. If they're negative, I get to go back to school. If not, ugh, I'm quarantined to my room for an indefinite period of time (maybe a week?). So hence, in the meantime, I blog.

*You might be familiar with the term "swine flu" but really, the current influenza that is affecting everyone doesn't have much to do with swine. Initially, the strain just shared genes also found in pigs - like viruses do, it's changed since then. Swine flu is just a term media uses now to help explain to the many ignorant ppl what they're referring too. Also, you might have heard of "A1N1". Well, I don't think that's anything. The proper term is I believe, Influenza A(H1N1). Where H and N refer to the 2 proteins found on the virus surface, hemagglutinin and neuraminidase, so then I don't know what "A" would be, unless they're just mashing the A/H1N1 into just A1N1... anyway, you can find lots of info at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website. Anyway, stay safe! Wash your hands! Cover you coughs! Don't touch your eyes, nose, mouth, face with your fingers! ^_^

So I finally caught up on my Naruto and Bleach. Naruto had def become fun again. Sasuke is hella badass, and even though the whole Mooneye Op thing seems like a stretch of the imagination in the realm of Naruto, eh, w/e I'll go with it for now. Bleach, all the Vizards def kicked Arrancar ass. But damn, exactly how strong is Aizen? I feel like there's no match. "0" is huge and strong, and I thought Ichigo was badass with his new power, but eh, again, he can't control it and he's getting handled. But my big question is: Exactly how strong is Byakuya & Zaraki (the 2 who are known amongst the Gotei 13 as the strongest and most feared), and Shunsui & Ukitake (the 2, next to Yamamoto, who have been around the longest), and of course Yamamoto himself. o_O Are they all unquestionably equal to or stronger than Vizards? If they were to become Vizards themselves, would their power be exponentially that much greater? And Ichigo, the main character, who I assume will defeat Aizen, where does he stand? How strong does these characters get??? And on a side random note, how strong is Urahara & Ichigo's dad? Ah, the questions, the questions. This is what makes Bleach so appealing. And I have to say, more exciting than Naruto. Though, I am curious as to how powerful the Kages are, the 8th Jinchuuriki, and Kisame. Not really interested in Naruto or Kakashi or the others, cuz currently, it seems like they don't compare.

I've been questioning how I'm going about life here right now. I feel like I should be doing much more, squeezing as much as possible out this experience here. I've been sitting at home after work, just watching TV and on the internet. Def wasting time. I want to be doing much more. But I feel restricted. As in, if I want to do anything at all, it requires money. Money which I don't really have to luxuriously spend however I see fit. I can hear my friend's voices say, then go do something, you don't always need money! But really, I can't see how right now. I'm severely limited in terms of budget, since much of my costs go towards my teeth and paying back my loans. I contemplate, when a few years later, when I'm back in the states, I'll look back and say, gosh, I could've been doing so much more. I don't want to regret like that. But what is there to be doing right now? It isn't like college where you can go join a club. There's no dance studios around, and those in general aren't really that big in Korea. How to make more of my life here right now... I'm always pondering.

Along those lines, I am definitely staying here in Korea for another year. But I don't know if I want to continue a 2nd year at Saeil, or move onto another school in the area, or a different place/city i.e. Seoul. So, running on that, should I attempt to really get to know my coworkers and build close relationships? If I do, and I stay a 2nd year, that'd be great! But if I end up switching, then the work put into developing those relationships will be fruitless. Relationships will slowly dim, flicker and then go out. And it'll be sad on both sides of the friendship. But if I end up moving, then there's no really a point in trying too hard to get to know my coworkers, because, in the end, it'll only be a year, and since I didn't really get to know them, I won't miss them as much, and moving on will be a snap. O what to do...

I wonder if I really understand what friendship is. I find myself always analyzing and breaking down someone's character to find that one je ne sais quo element that makes people attracted to them, that make them such a fun person to be around. Everyone can't help but like them. I try to figure out why I like being around that person. It's never easy. I feel as though I'm missing that certain element which is why I also feel as though it's consistently a conscious effort to know what being a good friend is. To see how they're doing, being grateful, listening to concerns, gift giving, telling good stories, etc. I have to remember to do these things sometimes. I feel as though it's so natural for others. I really envy those that have that inborn ability. I think I grew up too selfish, self-conscious, too judgmental. I think these qualities make it difficult to make and maintain friends. These are parts of myself I don't really like about me. I wish I could change them. It's a major effort to suppress these stupid character flaws. I want to be a better friend. And would like to have people enjoy themselves when I'm in their company, and me be a fun person. I find myself STILL shy, reserve, and quiet in most company. ugh, frustrating. Some examples of who I think have that certain je ne sais quo (and since nobody really reads this, I think it's safe to say names ^_^): Sam, my brother, of course, and my Dad. No particular order, Kenny, LawrenceH, Will, Karl, Gus, Niki, Carmel, Ricky, May, Anh-tuan, Carolina, Forge, Sunny, SophiaS, Jimmy, Paul, Sonya, Han, AlexC, Eddie (RIP), JeremyF, every kid in RY (man, they're all awesome, just to name a few, Eunice, Helen, Tom, Eugene, Jaeho, Miga, Patricia), KathyS. And I don't really know these ppl at a close friend level but could instantly tell, Emerson, Artessa, Dale. Blah, can't remember them all, but those stick out in my head.

Well, I'll call it quits here for now. I'm hungry, and I need to figure out what to eat. I feel like I've sufficiently poured a good amount of scatter brained thoughts out. This is kinda like that Harry Potter thing, you know where Dumbledore uses his wand to stream out a thought, release them, and put them in a vial or that bowl. Must be convenient. If something were bothering you, wand, extract, instant no worry probs. XP O and I wish I could fly, haha. random. ok, hunger making me delusional.

- j.k. ^_^